Insanity

	Sign In Sign-Up

Insanity!

Nothing...
Home Page
History Page
Random Scripts
The Finger Puppet Master
Homo Harry Page
"Final" Battles
Insanity
Stupidity
Randomificationness
Guest Book Page

Councilor: Now everyone, we have a new member of our group here today, this is his first ever AA meeting, and i think we should all be supportive. Would you like to introduce yourself?? Albus: Thanks, my name is Albus Dumbledore, and i've been an alcoholic since before i can remember... although i can only just remember this morning... but anyway, im here to get over my problem... Applause Councilor: Now Albus, this is a safe zone, feel free to tell us anything Albus: Well... where to begin... Im really voldemort you see and... i'm the one whose... hic... whose been trying to kill harry potter!! Councilor: Are you drunk right now Albus?? Albus: NO! Well...hic... maybe just a little... Councilor: We're never going to get anywhere unless you become sober for more than 5 minutes! Albus: This hic is as sober as i've been for the past six fcking years lady! You try trying to keep a little sht of a teenager out of danger!! Councilor: Well, surely parents do that all the time! Albus: Not this one... the little bstard! He just wont sit still!! Councilor: I think we've reached the root of your problem Albus... perhaps you would like to talk more about this harry potter character? Albus: Who said anything about Harry Potter you dense sht! Councilor: Who are you tlaking about then?? Albus: Snape of course!! Councilor: Your potions master?! Albus: Of course! He just wont wash!! Its disgusting! Councilor: And this made you turn to drink? Albus: No! I turned to drink because im very old and very bored sat in my office talking to pictures on the wall and petting my wonderful little phoenix... Councilor: ... The drug rehab clinic is just across the road, they can help you.... Harry walks into the common room and finds ron rocking backwards and forwards on a chair, holding his head Harry: Ron... whats wrong?? Ron: Shhhh!! Be quiet... they can hear you!! Harry: What? Who can hear me?? Ron: Quiet!! Its the voices... they're listening! Harry: What voices?? Ron: Cant you hear them?? Harry: No.... Ron: They're everywhere!! Harry: Ron... i think you might need to lie down... Ron: No harry!! They're in my head!!! Harry: Oh... Right... give me a moment... Ron: No! Please dont leave me with them!! Harry leaves and a moment later returns with Hermionie Hermionie: Ron, Harry's told me what you said... You say these voices are in your head? Ron: Well... theres only one... but it.. it... it wont stop!! Hermionie: sighs I knew this day would come! Ron: What?! Is it bad!!?? Hermionie: No Ron, its very good actually... that voice in your head is your thoughts... well, thought... Ron: Why have i never hear it before?? Hermionie: Because you've never thought before! Usually your brain is as deserted as the bathroom... have they ever been used?? Harry: snigger Ron: Hey! Hermionie: Sorry! But its true!! Ron: ... Yea, I'll give you that... but there was no need for the toilet refference... shudders... the unknown territory... gives me the shivers just thinking about it! Harry: Anyway Ron, so you can finally think... wow... whats it like??
		Harry walks into Dumbledores office... dumbledore doesnt seem to be there Harry: Professor Dumbledore?? Sir??? You wanted to see me sir?? Dumbledore: Stay away!! Harry: Professor?? Dumbledore: I know karate!! I... I... I'll get you!! Harry: Sir... whats going on?? Dumbledore appears from behind his desk... he sits down on his chair as if nothing has happened Dumbledore: Ah harry, yes, how are you?? Harry: Erm, im fine sir... Dumbledore: Do sit down, do it down... would you like some coffee??... No??? A cupcake?? Harry: Erm, no thanks sir... Dumbledore: Why not?? Dont you like my cooking?! Harry: I... I've never tasted your cooking... Dumbledore: What?? Of course you have! Dont you remember?? I cooked you a wonderful meal and we chatted and talked of memories past! Harry: Im sorry sir, i think you're a little confused... Dumbledore: WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY OFFICE?!?! Harry reels back in shock Harry: Wh... wh... what?? Dumbledore: GET OUT!! GET OUT!! IM NOT DRESSED!! Harry: Ok, sir... this is getting really wierd... I... Dumbledore: AH harry, do come in... Harry: Actually sir... I... I think im going to go now... Dumbledore: bottom lip quivers You... You're leaving me? Harry: I... I just want to go back to my dormitory... Im feelinf rather tired... Dumbeldore: Well... yes... i suppose its for the best... Its just not working between us... Its been fun Bert... but its not working... Harry: ... Bert... But sir I... Dumbledore: I know! I know! Its hard, btu we have to move on... goodbye Dumbledore falls forward, his face hitting the desk... he doesnt move Harry: Ok sir, you're really freaking me out... Im gonna go... Harry runs from the room... once he's gone, Dumbledore sits back up and takes a drink of coffee Dumbeldore: Where's that Harry Potter?? He's supposed to be here by now to discuss his hallucinations Leprechaun: I have no idea old bean... more coffee... I made it myself... Dumbledore: Why thank you Cecil!!
		Defence against the dark arts class Teacher: Alright then kiddies! Im your new defence against the dark arts teacher I.P. Freely... Class: snigger Prof.Freely: Yes, yes, laugh at my name, my parents had an... odd... sense of humour... under breath but they paid for that... yes... yes... muwahahahha... RandomStudent: Um... sir?? Prof.Freely: Oh yes, sorry kiddies... Anyway, could you all put your wands away and take out your books, today will be a theory lesson... Erm, yes... Mr. Potter??? Harry: Why? Prof.Freely: Why what?? Harry: Why are we doing theory today?? Prof.Freely: Because Mr. Potter, the syllabus requires it Harry: standing up How are we going to learn about the real world by doing theory!? Prof.Freely: We will be doing theory very rarely Mr. Potter, but the syllabus requires us... Harry: Oh you teachers are all the same!! Fcking bstards! Prof.Freely: MR. POTTER!! I will not tolerate that kind of language infront of the kiddies!! Harry: Oh fck you!! I know what its like man!! I was there man!! I was there!! Prof.Freely: Mr. Potter... I think you need to back to the councilor... Harry: NO I DONT!! Prof.Freely: Do not raise your voice to me Mr. Potter... Harry: I will if i wanna!! You're tryign to make us all fail!! You're making sure we cant fight Voldemort!! Prof.Freely: Harry... you need to go to the councilor... Harry: NO I DONT!! You're trying to get us all killed!! Prof.Freely: counts quietly to ten* Look, Mr. Potter, you are 30 years old, you vanquished the dark lord 13 years ago. Harry: NO!! NO!!! You dont mean that!! YOU DONT MEAN THAT!! Prof.Freely: Oh, i do... Harry... you need help... You're an adult, and you're still living in Hogwarts... Harry: No!!! Its not true!! Its not true!! You're lieing!! Prof.Freely: sigh no im not Harry... look... heres madame pomfrey now... shes got your straight jacket! Isnt that nice! Harry: NO!! NO ITS NOT!! Pomfrey: Now now harry dear... just put this on... Harry: NO!! Pomfrey: Fine grabs Harrys arm and injects him with some form of drug, he immediately calms down Thats better isnt it! Now, come with me and leave the kiddies and Prof.Freely alone.... Harry: nods and drools Pomfrey: Now, walk... thats one foot ifront of the other... or hoping... that works too... Harry: Hops and drools while grinning inanely Prof.Freely: Thanks Pom! Pomfrey: No worries Ivona, i'll get him back to his wing... i dont know how he got loose! leaves, closing the door behind her RandomStudent: What a f*cking nutter! Prof.Freely: Mr. Student! I will not have that kind of language in my classroom... they prefer to be called 'mentally challenged', not 'nutters'!
		Snape bursts through the door to a classroom* Snape: There will be no foolish wand waving or incantations in this class!! Teacher: Erm... Severus... this is a defence against the dark arts class... Snape: Dont you use that name with me!! Teacher: What?? Severus?? Snape: Yes!! That one!! Teacher: Then what am i meant to call you??? Snape: Sir Snugglebutt!! Teacher: Erm... Ok Se... i mean... Sir Snugglebutt... I think you should go to the hospital wing, you obv... Snape: I can teach you how to bottle fame! Brew glory! And even... put a stopper in death!! The door bursts open... agiain... and Dumbledore enters Dumbledore: Sir Snugglebutt!! How did you escape!! Teacher: Ah, hello Dumbledore... can you help me out here please?? Dumbledore: Of course!! Sir Snugglebutt should be in my bedr... i mean... the hospital wing... yes, thats it... the hospital wing shifty eyes Teacher: Ooooook... whatever, just please remove him! This is the second time this week!! Dumbledore: Ok, ok! takes out a gun and shoots snape in the butt Snape: Ow!!! That reeeeealy hurt!! I... ZzZzZzZzZzZz Gurgles, drools and then collapses on top of a random student and his desk RandomStudent: OW!!! Dumbledore: Sorry about that... drags Snape back to his be... the hospital wing... yes... there Teacher: Closes door behind them Right, where were we... Oh yes... If someone attacks you with a grape fruit...