|
|
|
*The final battle of Harry and Voldemort*
Harry: So voldemort, this is it, this is where its going to end, one of us is going to be laid to rest tonight, and I’m going to make sure its you.
Voldemort: Oh, I don’t think so! You may have almost killed me when you were just a baby, while you were left with nothing but a scar... and then thwarted my attempt to take the philosophers stone after only one year at hogwarts... then stopped my former self from regenerating into a real person and taking over the magical world once more with the aid of a giant snake... then managed to get away from me when I had an army of death eaters at my disposal and my own body and strength back while you had a broken leg and were already tired from the struggle through the maze and the dual... then you stopped my death eaters from getting the prophecy....
Harry: Where are you going with this??
Voldemort: You know... I’ve no idea!
Harry: Do you want to just give up now?? I mean, after reflecting on your past performance, I think Neville would make a better evil wizard than you!
Voldemort: Ah, perhaps you're right Harry... but what else can I do??
Harry: Well, what interests you?
Voldemort: Hummm, well, before I got turned down by the girl I had a crush on in my seventh year at hogwarts to go to the Yule ball, I had always thought that maybe I’d become a famous actor!
Harry: Oooook, so all this evil stuff is just because a girl turned you down???
Voldemort: Yes! And the funny part is, that it was your mother! She was in a lower year and she turned me down!!
Harry: So that’s why you wanted to kill my father and me!
Voldemort: Sadly, yes... but lets put all that ugliness behind us, shall we?
Harry: Yes, I think we should, and good luck with your new career
Voldemort: Why thank you! Just tell every one you killed me would you?? Then I’ll start a new life... a better life... Under the new name Leonardo DiCaprio!
Harry: Isn’t that name a little... well.. gay??
Voldemort: Oh, there’s so much you don’t know about me Harry
Voldemort: Ha! Finally! I have captured the great and powerful Dumbledore!
Dumbledore: You'll never get away with this Voldie!
Voldemort: Ha! Whose going to stop me?... Harry?? He's too busy running after snape... how long have they been dating??... And dont call me Voldie!!
Dumbledore: Do you really expect me to talk?
Voldemort: No, I expect you to die! Muwahahahahaha
Dumbledore: ... Hasnt this happened before?
Voldemort: No! There's no copyright going on here! None at all!
Dumbledore: What about pathetic parody??
Voldemort: Well... yes... theres a lot of that... but no matter, we're getting off the point...
Dumbledore: What was the point?
Voldemort: Erm... im not entirely sure to be honest....
Dumbledore: Perhaps we should square dance!
Voldemort: Oooooh! How divine!
*Dumbledore and Voldie start square dancing.... for no reason*
Dumbledore: Didnt dancing happen somewhere else a moment ago...
Voldemort: No... nothing like that ever happened!
Dumbledore: Y'know, im sure Snape started dancing to fame a few..
Voldemort: NO!! NOTHING LIKE THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED!!
Dumbledore: Well, if you're going to be a grumpy guts then im to have to leave!
Voldemort: Fine! Go ahead, see if i care!
Dumbledore: Fine!
*Dumbledore stalks off*
Voldemort: ... What just happened there??... Wait... God damn it!!!
*P.S. To fully understand this.. you must have read certain other scripts…*
|
|
|
Voldie: Muwahahahaha!! I have finally captured the 'great' harry potter!!
Harry: Dude, im 16... its nothing to be proud of...
Voldie: Hey! Dont be mean!! I'm the prince of darkness!! I deserve respect!! I demand respect! I...
Ozzy: Excuse me.... prince of darkness??
Voldie: Yea, you got a f**king problem with that, mother f**ker??
Ozzy: F**k yea! Im ths sh*tting prince of darkness!!
Voldie: I dont see you trying to take over the f**king world!
Ozzy: I dont f**king see you, biting the f*cking head of a f**king bat!
Voldie: *hugh pitched squeal* Eeeew! Thats gross!! Why would you do that!? Thats not evil! Thats just gay!!
Kelly O: Oh excuse me! You did not just say that! You skinny f**k!!
Voldie: Better skinny that piggy girlie!
*Kelly O bitch slaps voldie*
Voldie: *Another high pitched girlie squeal... then faints*
Ozzy: F**king good hit!
Kelly O: Thanks you f**king retarded pile of f**king horse s**t
Ozzy: Awww, i f**king love you too sweetie!
*daddy, daughter hug*
Harry: .... what the f**k just happened here??
*Harry's "final" battle with Voldie... They are in a warehouse and Harry is strapped to a table with a laser moving upwards between his legs*
Harry: You'll never get away with this Voldie!!
Voldie: Oh, I think I will Mr. Potter!
Harry: Do you really expect me to talk??
Voldie: No Mr. Potter... I expect you to die! Muwahahahaha!!
*A man in a business suit walks in*
ManInSuit: Ok, thats it, stop it right there!!
Voldie: What??
ManInSuit: Im a lawyer, and this is clearly a case of copyright!
Voldie: Oh,come on man!! You cant be serious!?!
ManInSuit: Oh, I am, so im going to have to ask you to turn off that laser, free Mr. Potter there and take off that ridiculous Dr. Doom costume
Harry: Yea... Why are you wearing that??
Voldie: I... I just... It makes me feel special...
ManInSuit: Thats no excuse! Now... my work here is done, Lawyer AWAY!!
*ManInSuit {yes, that is his name} jumps into the air and fly's away in a superman fashion*
Voldie: Well... I... Im not quite sure what to do now...
Harry: Erm... How about putting some robes on... That is something I didnt want to see... Is it cold in here???
Voldie: I... NO!!
Harry: *whistles* So thats why you're like this then!
Voldie: What are you talking about??
Harry: Well, you're obviously trying to compensate for something... And its pretty obvious what... *stiffles a laugh*
Voldie: Hey!! Just... Just shut up, ok?!
Harry: *Takes out a camera and shoots a picture* Now, I think the tables have turned!!
Voldie: No!!! Please!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Harry: Dude... Why have you still not put any clothes on!?!
Voldie: I... Well... I... Erm... I like the breeze...
Harry: Oh! Oh my god! That was too much information dude!! Oh, Im outta here! Oh... oh thats gross...
*Harry walks out and leaves Voldie standing on his own in the warehouse*
Voldie: Well... Im on my own... Naked... Theres only one thing to do...
*Voldie presses play on a stereo and starts to dance around the room to 'What a feeling'-Flashdance*
Harry: Oh... My... God... IM BLIND!!!
Voldie: *Stops dancing* What are you doing here?! You left!!
Harry: I came back to get my coat!!
Voldie: Can we please just keep this between ourselves???
Harry: Trust me... I will NEVER tell anyone about this... Now... If you excuse me, I have to go and vomit...
*Harry leaves... And Voldie, after a brief hesitation, starts dancing again*
|
|
*Voldie n Harry's last battle... again... Voldie has Harry tied to a conveyer belt with a mechanical saw at the other end*
Voldie: Muwahahahaha!! Finally!! I've got you Harry Potter!!
Harry: No! Voldie!! Please!! No!! Think about this!!
Voldie: Think about what?? With one push of this button... i could kill you... a slow and painful death is just what you deserve!
Harry: Why voldie!? WHY?!
Voldie: Why do you think!?
Harry: Erm... I thwarted your attempts to kill me and take over the wizarding world several times???
Voldie: Oh, dont be stupid! Why would i want to kill you after that! That would just be unsporting of me!
Harry: What then!?!
Voldie: *gazes off into the distance* Do you remember... a few years ago now... there was a cooking competition in Hogsmede...
Harry: Oh yea... what a great day!
Voldie: For you maybe!!
Harry: Why, what happened to you?? You werent even there!
Voldie: Oh... I was there Harry... I was... I was *bursts into tears* YOU RUINED MY FLAN!!
Harry: What?[sweatdrop]
Voldie: You... you... YOU DONT EVEN REMEMBER!??!?!
Harry: Sorry dude, no... I was out near the shrieking shak all day making ou... i mean... talking... with Ron...
Voldie: Oh... right... then who ruined my wonderful, flantastic dessert??!
Harry: Oh... that was... erm... Dumbledore!
Voldie: Dumbleydore!? My precious Dumdum!!
Harry: Erm, yea, whatever dude...
Voldie: But Dumbley wouldnt never hurt the wonder that is flan!! Were both flanatics!!!
Harry: Dude... whats with the flan obsession??
Voldie: I wrote a poem about it!! Would you like to hear it?!?
Harry: Well... I...
Voldie: Its called 'ode to flan' -
When you are around I am filled with glee.
You make me get down on my knee
To give thanks every day
For each and every way
That you bring joy to my life
And take away my strife.
Flan, I say your name with pride
I will not let anyone hide
From the awesome power you hold
The moment you emerge from the mold.
Harry: Ok, dude, your scaring me now... its just a dessert...
Voldie: No!! Its much more than that!! Much much more... *drools*... I must have one now!!
*Voldie runs off, accidentally pushing the button as he leaves... the conveyer belt starts to move slowly*
Harry: Erm... Voldie... VOLDIE!!!
Voldie: *calling back* Yes hun!!
Harry: You left the belt on!!
Voldie: I know!! If i dont my trousers fall down!! *runs out of ear shot*
Harry: Oh..... cr*p
*Harry is about to experience a slow and excrutiating death when suddenly...... ....................... ..................... A giant flan falls from the sky jamming the machine and the belt stops*
Harry: Oh thank g...
*Another giant flan falls from the sky on to Harry's face, smothering him*
Dumbledore: Muwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha the awesome power of the flan!!
*Voldie and Harry in their final battle {again}*
Voldie: Muwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
Harry: Indeed....
Voldie: Dont you take that tone with me young man!
Harry: Its pronounced 'young lady' actually
Voldie: Oh... really??
Harry: Yea....
Voldie: I... see... Im sorry Harry...
Harry: Ette
Voldie: What?
Harry: Its pronounced 'Harriette'
Voldie: Ooooook...
Harry: I take it you missed the memo...
Voldie: What memo??
Harry: I told you!! I got a sex change!!
Voldie: Oh, really?? I couldnt tell!!
Harry: I know! Its great isnt it!
Voldie: Oh it most certainly is... harriette *grins*
Harry: *blushes and giggles*
Voldie: Would you like to sit down?? Have a drink perhaps!
Harry: Are you trying to seduce me Voldie??
Voldie: Why... whatever gave you that idea Harriette?? *strokes harry's knee*
Harry: Look, Voldie... I think you misunderstood... I havent changed my name yet...
Voldie: That doesnt matter, i can still call you harriette!
Harry: No, no, you dont understand... I havent changed it from Harriette to harry...
Voldie: I dont follow you...
Harry: I've changed into a guy!!!
Voldie: I know... I can still call you Harriette cant i??
Harry: Oh, arent you the kinky one?!
*The "final" battle between Harry and Voldie... Voldie has cornered Harry on to the edge of a very high cliff... Harry has no wand and Voldie is holding his out at Harry's chest... Ron, Hermionie and Ginny are standing far back, watching...*
Voldie: I have you now Harry Potter!!
Harry: Dude... we've been through so much together... At least call me Harry, even if you wont call me sweetie!
Voldie: Oh alright, Harry it is then... Anyway... As I was saying... I have you now Harry and there is no escape... *pause* You know... I dont think it sounds as good...
Harry: What??
Voldie: Just calling you Harry... Using your surname or both your names sounds so much better!
Harry: Well... I guess its your call, but I think it sounds better as just Harry to be honest...
Voldie: Do you??
Harry: Yea!
Voldie: Should we ask someone else?? I mean, this is our final battle, we want to get it right, dont we??
Harry: Oh deffinetly!!
Voldie: Oh Ron! Hermionie! Ginny!
Hermionie: You wont get any info out of us!! Never!!
Ginny: What??
Ron: Uncle Voldie!! *runs up for a hug*
Voldie: Avada Kedrava!!
Ron: *screams and runs away*
Voldie: Im just kidding!
Ron: *hides behind Hermionie[winky]*
Ginny: So... what do you want??
Voldie: Do you think I should call Harry 'Hsarry', 'Harry Potter' or just 'Potter'??
Ginny: Erm... Harry Potter deffinetly... It makes it more impersonal! I mean, we wouldnt want everyone thinking you were like family now would you?!
Voldie: Oh gracious no!
Harry: Can we get on with this then??
Voldie: Yes yes! Coming honey!
Harry: Dont call me that! This isnt the right time!
Voldie: Oh sorry dear... oh sorry! Force of habit! Anyway... *points his wand at Harry and advances on him* I have you now Harry Potter!
Harry: I dont think so Voldemort!!
*Harry pulls out a gun and shoots Voldie in the head. Voldie aims a killing curse randomly and it hits harry. Both fall to the floor motionless.*
Ginny: Harry!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! *Runs forward and cradles Harry in her arms*
Hermionie: Oh Ron! *Making out session*
*pause*
Neville: Aaaaaaand... CUT!!
*everyone sighs and stops whatever they were doing*
Ginny: *Drops Harry* Ergh, I hate doing that!
Harry: Yea, well, you dont smell that great either!
Ron: *Shoves Hermionie away* For god's sake girl! Get a grip!
Hermionie: I had one until you pushed me away!
Ron: *Whispers* Not in public!!
Neville: Well... I think that went well! Do you two have all your documents??
Harry: Yep, Im Lord Loveboat the 3rd and this *points to Voldie* is my lovely finance Melissa!
Ginny: Oh! So thats why he's in a dress!
Voldie: No...
Ginny: So then.. why??
Voldie: It makes me feel pretty... and my a$$ looks great in it!
Neville: Oh for god's sake! I told you to come up with realistic names!!
Ron: Yea, Voldie looks more like an Amy to me...
Neville: *sigh* Well whatever... good luck you two, and drop me a line when you get to Mexico!
Harry: Can do mate! Just make sure you get this tape to the daily prophet as soon as possible!
Neville: I wont let you down!
Voldie: Bye everyone!
*Harry gets onto a motorbike and Voldie climbs into the sidecar*
Harry: Adios!
*Voldie and Harry ride off into the sunset*
Voldie: You know, I would have preffered a white horse...
|
|
|
|
