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The First Actual Script...
voldemort: Oh harry, i know we've had our differences, but just want to talk to you, get to know you.... perhaps even love you
Harry: Im sorry Voldie, i just dont think it would work. We can still be friends though... right??
Voldie: But why Harry, we've been through so much together!
Harry: Im sorry Tom... I just cant
Voldie: Fine! If it has to be like this!... Dumbledore's still free then??
Dumbledore: Im always free for you voldie
Voldie: Oh Albus!!
The Next Stage...
I continued writing scripts on that topic for a while, here are a few of my earlier ones in no particular order:
*Ron and Harry sitting in great hall for breakfast*
Ron: One minute Harry... something strange is happening...
Harry: What??
Ron: I... I... I think i need to use the toilet!
Harry: What?! But you havent been to the toilet once in the five years i've known you!
Ron: I know! Its so very strange... i go all day without dettering from my school schedule... but now... i think im going to give it a try!
Harry: Good luck!
*Ron leaves to start his new life while Harry continues to go about his hollow, toiletless life*
Odd i know... but they never go to the bathroom... but no one goes to the bathroom in any book... it really si odd... and i dont just mean the harry potter books!!
Albus: Minerva *sigh* We have to talk
Minerva: Of course Albus darling, whats wrong??
Albus: I... I just dont think its going to work between us
Minerva: Why not?!?! I thought things were going so well!! And what about our plans to run away together to Las Vegas and get married there!?
Albus: I havent been completely honest with you...
Minerva: Oh my god! Theres another woman isnt there?! Who is it?!?!
Albus: Not another woman Minerva... you see... im actually gay
Minerva: WHAT?!?!
Albus: Im in love with Voldemort... He's just so much more powerful than you Minerva... I'm sorry, but it can never be. *solomn face*
Minerva: *sighs* Fine! I'll just have to elope with Severus instead! He's always been so much more greasy than you... i dont know why thats a good thing *Walks away, very confused*
Ron: Hermionie, i errrr, i dont know about you, but... but over the past few years... i've begun to feel like theres a connection between us... a sort of chemistry...
Hermionie: Um, Ron, i feel the same way... but i dont think us getting together is such a good idea... theres something you should know about me...
Ron: It doesnt matter! Whatever it is, i wont mind! Our love can conqueur anything!!
Hermionie: I dont think it can conqueur this..
Ron: What is it?
Hermionie: I havent always been who i am now...
Ron: You mean...
Hermionie: Yes Ron... I used to be a man.
Ron: Oh my god!!!
Hermionie: You can leave now if you want
Ron: No! The truth is... I used to be a girl
Hermonie: What??
Ron: Arent you happy??
Hermionie: Eeeew!! NO!! Get lost you creep!!
Ron: But...but...
*Hermionie runs away, leaving ron stuttering*
Dean: Hi Seamus, how are you this fine day old chappy, old bean?
Seamus: Im fine????
Dean: Oh hahahaha, very good old boy, very witty!
Seamus: ooook??
Dean: Oh Seamus, i cant keep up this charade any longer! I love you! And nothing you say can make it any less true!!
Seamus: How did you know i was gay??
Dean: You're gay??
Harry: You wanted to see me professer Dumbledore sir?
Dumbledore: Yes Harry, i think you should sit down
Harry: Why? *sits*
Dumbledore: I've got something to tell you
Harry: What??
Dumbledore: You're parents arent who you think they are...
Harry: Oh no! Stop there!! Please dont tell me you're my father!!
Dumbledore: No, no, no Harry!!
Harry: Thank god!
Dumbledore: I'm you're mother
Harry: Oh... my ... god... but... but... whose my father???
Dumbledore: Professor McGonagall
Harry: WHAT??!?!
McGonagall: Its true Harry... I am your father
Harry: Ron, i think we've hidden our feelings from each other for too long now... its time to come forward and confess how we really feel...
Ron: I agree harry, completely! I just never thought you felt the same way... but... do you think this will affect our freindship??
Harry: Of course it will, how could it not??
Ron: So... do we really want to sacrifice such a beautiful friendship... for this??
Harry: Yes Ron... I think we have to... there's no other way...
Ron: Alright... I think you should go first
Harry: Ok, here goes... *deep breath*... what the f*ck is wrong with you?!?! Stop f*cking following me around you mother f*cking *******!! Go find another master!! And while your at it, go **** hermionie, we all know you want to!!!!
Ron: .... that wasnt realy what i was expecting...
Harry: What??? Did you think we were proclaming our love for each other or something??? ahahahaha!!
Ron:... well.... oh i cant take this anymore!! *Runs away crying*
Harry: Whats his problem???
But after a while I became restless on that topic and I was posting so many it was hard to keep up... So I made my own little topic and began posting on there...
And so, I now had my own topic labeled 'The Secret Lives Of Harry Potter Characters' I had many visitors... Some thought them funny... Others thought them crude and distasteful... To each his own *cough*gits*cough*... But after a while I began to accumulate followers... Regulars in on the topic and conversations somehow arose... But one day... the terrible occured... And my topic was deleted!! I was in mourning for a while... Then I made another one... I think I know which script was responsible... I shall post it here:
Ron: Yea, i know what you mean *looks at his watch, then around the room* but shouldn’t snape be back by now?? He only went to get powdered root of asphodel!
Harry: Hey! Yea! You're right
Hermionie: Thats a first
Ron: F*ck you hermionie!
Harry: Come on you two dont f*cking fight!
Hermionie: What is wrong with you two? Whats with all the f*cking swearing! *claps her hands to her mouth*
Harry: What the f*ck is going on here?
Ron: Ooops, i think i might have accidentally put a f*cking bezoar in my sh*tty potion!
Hermionie: But that would mean...
Harry: Yea, we cant stop f*cking swearing!
Hermionie: Good f*cking job the smokes gone now though! The rest of the f*cking class seems bloody fine, and it should wear off from us in a few f*cking minutes!
Snape: Miss. Granger!
Harry: *whispering* when the f*ck did he get back?
Hermionie: Oh sh*t
Snape: Would you mind telling me why you are using such profanity!?
Hermionie: Its rons f*cking potion *clasps hands to her mouth again*
Snape: You f*cking idiot! Cant you do anything right? For f*cks sake Weasley! Get some f*cking brains or get out of my f*cking class!! You little piece of sh*t..
Ron: Um... sir... its worn off now... why are you still swearing??
Snape: Oh... right... sorry about that Weasley... f*cking retard...
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